Col 3:25

"Anyone who does wrong will be repaid for his wrong, and there is no favouritism" Col 3:25

I started this entry with a grim verse and you might be wondering why.

Well, as you all know, I have been receiving weird smses from people I don't know, claiming that they had chatted with me on facebook and that I had given my number to them.

Anyway, the third 'stalker/unknown person' to sms me appeared. I received an sms a few days ago and promptly ignored it. However, yesterday I received another one from the same person and in his sms he placed his name there.

So that got me wondering whether it was really done by the same person using several numbers. I went and checked my facebook for anyone called "E**** K***" and to my surprise, out of the list there was a 'friend' of mine, who had a friend of the same name (it seems no hacker went and added the friend under my account)

And that friend, coincidentally had the same English name as me. Andrea M**. So I checked her profile out and saw that she like bodybuilding (which is what the original "Stalker" does as a hobby) and warning bells rang in my head. I had actually accepted her out of naivete, because I merely thought she was someone who wanted to be friends with another of the same name and also because she looked like someone I know, it wouldn't be too bad.

I'm such a total idiot, aren't I?

Anyway, I was clearing of people I don't know from my list before this coincidence happened and had deleted her when I saw she liked bodybuilding, but I had never though of checking her friends list for the 'stalker' 's name. And when I did, he really was in her friend's list.

Which concludes that possibly this Andrea has been chatting up people online and giving out my number generously to all those people.

I'm not really sure what I should feel at this moment.

Anyway, what concerns me is the fact that I had allowed a window of opportunity for her to gain access to most of my information and pictures and seeing that the other parties concern don't seem to have any heart, they might take my pictures and photoshop it on porn pictures or sign me up for a weird ass dating site etc etc.

Another thing that distresses me is the fact that I don't believe I did anything wrong. My only fault (in my friends' opinion) was that I was too nice. I wasn't at fault at all. Is it my fault that he was the one scaring me till I cried?

Is it my fault that he acts in such a predator like way? Going to people's room, following them around, being absolutely clingy and frightening, especially with his big built body? Is it my fault that I was scared when he was waiting for me in the darkness, and ran out to "talk" to me. Is it my fault that I thought it was the last straw when he refused to give me space and in the end, rubbed his disgusting sweaty hand against mine, and not taking it seriously when I was obviously angry?

Is it my fault? Have I done something so wrong. So unchristian like, so out of the ordinary? Is it truly my fault if everyone took my stand when they were told the story (although he still delusionally believes that there are people here who likes him) << apparently not. Is it my fault that every girl here felt the same way that I did, but smart enough to move away fast) Is it my fault that I reminded him of the girl he used to like but broke his heart, merely by the fact that I wanted to live my life for God?

He ruined my orientation!

He ruined my experience here in Singapore!

He gave his friend my number to give out to people (and I'm not discounting the possibility that the andrea could be an account he created!!)

So is it my fault at all?? That he hates me in such a way to do something as RIDICULOUS and HORRIBLE as this???

Of course, this lead me to the verse today, that those who are in the wrong will get what they deserve.

My stand is to ignore them. Who knows. Maybe he is stalker enough to find this blog.

I wrote this entry to get this out of my chest. It's making me uncomfortable.

God, please allow me to claim the promises from you.

"Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!" Isa 49:15

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls." Mt 11:28,29

God, I won't worry cos I'm grateful you're here, even when I'm such a sinner. Please take away this worry from me and guide me in my testimony to others. Pray that I'll be able to study hard and do my best!

It's raining.

Is God crying with me? For me? Or is it His way of comforting me?

(TAT) Stay Strong, Andrea!

Nausea

Feel like vomiting.

Bricks on head, splitting the ache.

Acrid acid in stomach churn. churn. churn.

Eyes and spirit are tired. Sleep runs away.

Come back. Come back sleep. Head is heavy heavy heavy.

Tired of continuous effort.

Tired of being disappointed.

Tired of trying to stand up by myself.

Tired of being strong.

Just tired.

but sleep eludes.

Is there a hell just like the one i described?

God. help. I dun understand.

acid stomach churn.churn.churn.

winding fan wheels slow.slow.slow.

no knocks upon my door. no one to care at all.

Is there a hell just like the one I am in?

Wave of Homesickness

I'm being enveloped by a wave of homesickness.

I miss Malaysian food and the roads that I've trodden often.

I miss my family and my room and my house and my dog.

I've always missed them but I don't really show it or perhaps, dislike showing it. I guess, all the foraging to find food to eat for lunch, money saving, trying to find new friends, getting used to the culture and to the place is slightly wearing me out.

The high of a new place and a new kind of atmosphere is dying and the weariness is slightly overwhelming.

On a brighter side, I'm starting to like my subjects. Southeast Asia is becoming more interesting as it's relatable. Economics is well... err economics? New Media is interesting when it comes to analysing it but the subject matter itself is tediously filled with technical stuff =( French is getting slightly better as I get used to people there and met kind people who are helping me (thank God) =) English Lit is of course, interesting as I meet people with interesting views.

On the darker side, it seems I have to decide either to major in Econs or NM (it's this NUS thing). Hard to explain haha. But we'll see.

Another positive note is the fact that everyone here are interesting, analytical and full of opinions. I really like it. I enjoy that the studies now are not really textbook answer base but its more of self-opinion and how you can support it. I'm not good at articulating my opinions into well-though answers yet, but prayerfully, God will guide me. Plus, since everyone is smart, there's not problem about group-mates who are irresponsible.

And, CCAs have started full on. Everyday my time is taken up. I'm happy though. If I hadn't join them, I'll never earn new skills nor meet other people. Plus, I'm terribly undisciplined, so probably won't study during all the free time. Since I have such a 'full' timetable, I have this urge to keep filling my time with studying (although shane dawson distracts me at times)

I must say, God is truly guiding me here from the first day. He introduced seniors who have been helpful and are tremendously kind. He guided me in incidences, like not getting the tutorial slot I'd originally wanted, but the current slot I have is way better for my schedule and I met the girl who would be my group mate (she's very nice and responsible!). He orchestrated people to reject my from the uni choir and acapella, from eusoff dance and drama cos he knows I'm unable to cope with my studies and so far, everything is just fine. I was rejected by EusoffWorks photograpy wing and got sent to design, lead me to find out what a noob designer I am and how there's so any things I can learn!!

I really thank God for his guidance. I know I sound all religious and all, but God and me is a relationship. He's very real in my life, and He loves me no matter how sinful I've been.

So even if I miss home, I'm glad I have a God that is always near with me. I can never understand how people could reject the chance to know him, but I guess it's because they don't see how God continuously works in their life!

I really thank God I've met nice people so far (besides the stalker incident) and still pray that I'll be better at time management and to do my best in everything. I'm hoping/praying/aiming for a good CAP this year!

Btw, hunny~ CONGRATULATIONS ;D

Mei FOng! Jia you in work! Continue to bless the people around you, like how you've guided me too *hug*

Cosplay PV

I want to make a cosplay PV. Seriously. I will. I will. I will!! Graaaaaaa!!

Some good ones that I'll post here so I can find it easily.





swwwt, I'm starting to like vocaloid!! orzzz