New Moon?

I talked all I could. It was like a recording tape. Ongoing.

Rewind. Play. Stop. Rewind. Play. Stop.

It's like the whole world knows everything there is to know.

But talking helps. And I think it might be over.

I think finally I can come out of my room and face whatever problems I need to.

It's been a very relaxed time in my room.

I'm fine. I'm fine. Watched 'How I met your mother' was therapeutic in a way. Makes me forget. Makes me laugh and find that smile again.

Don't worry, my dear friend, Mei Fong. Just pray for me *Hug* and don't make this blog known to anyone if possible haha << sry, I'm writing it out loud here. I don't know how to privately comment and get you notified by it.

Anyway, I think everything about my studies is fine in a way. I think I manage to get all the subjects I need!

Target has not been seen around my area so I'm safe so far. I feel safer since it's the last day he'll be here. I hope everything ends about him. I really hope he's gone.

Now, besides that, everything else is complicated. The thing about Singapore and NUS is the fact that not all stuff are notified to you at the same time. You get notified of sudden dinners you need to attend etc. Not the most joyous thing ever, I guess.

I feel like I'm losing my focus on God.. on my mission, by staying in my room like this. It's tiring. Haha, and also feel with much regret that I missed out on so many things that could have been good memories if things were different.

But I truly thank God for the kind kind seniors and my wonderfully encouraging and supportive friends.

Some good may came out of this:
1) I'll be more wary of people next time and not to be so trusting in such a way that can endanger myself
2) Now there are seniors who know about me or know my personality a little
3) I am able to empathize with others who face the similar fear and use it to counsel and bring people to Christ
4) There are some people who use Christianity as a bait to lure stupid girls like me. And those people are the worst, because they truly dishonor God's name IMO
5) No matter where I go, there are always people who care about me

Although I wish that person did not freak me out so much because now...
1) I feel that my orientation is ruined
2) I feel like an abused wife that is feeling guilty cos she thinks she's the reason she's being abused
3) Whenever I think about jogging around the campus or visit my friends in PGP, I get frightened a bit. At least, my walkway at this hour (to the toilet or others) is not as menacing. I mean, he has to sleep to have strength to target other girls right??
4) I feel like I failed as a christian in a way
5) my friends have been too worried for me and I don't want them to feel anxious and helpless

Pros and Cons all in a row.

I'm not mentally deranged, y'all

Just a bit messed up.

Anyhow, parents are coming tomorrow right? I'll be safe. I don't want to worry them. Not with my aunty having cancer and all. Not with all the money problems. Sigh. What is my option then?

Tell me, Lord.

Today you say,

Without love, there is not meaning to things. No lasting result.

Then Lord, sometimes I wonder when can I practice this love. Or how can I do it like Jesus when I am a girl?

Father, forgive me if I'd sinned.

Hurting you is worse than hurting me.

Let your Will be Done.

It's tiring. Time is slow and slugs onwards... but it still moves fast and I'm panicking.