Back to Business?

I'm going through a slight period of confusion. One of my weakness is over-thinking stuff. Like, having so many issues at one time and in a way, writing it all in a blog helps me to sort of organize these thoughts into manageable pieces.

Some things that bug me

1) I'm ignoring or sort of not bothering about a few people.
I know it sounds bad, but do listen up.

After that incident with the stalker, I sort of changed. I use to be able to talk to anybody with no reservations and try not to be judgemental or biased. Like those people that others are adverse to, Why must I be guilty and cause such things to happen to me? I had really bad experiences that traumatized me. So, my solution is to just keep a distance at first, if we get close later, then fine. Don't act over friendly.

Anyway, I noticed some people who are alone, but I'm frightened of the consequences. Let God lead, no rush right? eheh. The three people in my mind and the consequence I might go through.

a) This other girl in my block. When I met her when I first arrived here and we talked fine. I was totally okay, ready to open up and we can be great friends, but as time went by, some things happened. She was rather selfish, when I'm talking and she wants to talk she sort of pushes me away and butt in. When I came back from jb, she didn't tell me she was going for my hall's orientation and left me alone to go to the malaysian one by myself. I felt warning signs. It reminded me of someone who was as selfish and many times, I had compromised and made a fool of myself for that person. So, I don't want to grow through that again.
b) This person who is kind of sickly looking. He seems nice-ish... but I fear talking to people who are kinda lonely etc, cos I'm worried they might stick to me or even like me (it sounds vain, but hey, it happens okay?) I don't want to go through that.
c) This guy who had a sex scandal before. I'm frighten of this kind of people. He's sort of giving me the stalker feel...

So, it's not wrong for me to just stay away, or distance myself. I'm sure, God will lead them to Christ another way.

Solution: Just concentrate on studies> my priority

2) I'm losing my talent
I'm slowly noticing that I'm losing my talents.
My art skills are considered mediocre. My singing, less than mediocre. My design, mediocre or worse, my piano skills: horrifying, drama:horrifying.
I'm starting to notice that other people who weren't as enthusiastic as me are standing out more. Okay, I'm jealous. Okay, I'm comparing myself.

But Andrea, you shouldn't think in that way. I don't think I sing that badly (at least I'm in tune yeah), I don't think my art skills are bad (in fact I'm glad I got to this level!!) I don't think my acting is that bad (just that I'm no good at getting into drama mode cos I'm kind of private) I don't think creating a design and having a story behind it is bad( at least I'm giving details, and I like doing it)

People been calling me fat (namely that sex tape guy!!), okay, I'm plump (not fat) but get over it. As long as I don't mind, that's fine. And it's not like I'm looking for a boyfriend alright!! In fact, I want to end my days in NUS as peacefully and celibately as possible!

Solution: God has given me talents, and I may not be the best, but as long I strive to improve and stay humble, it'll be okay!

3) Studies and time management.
Another day not studying. Been helping out for Merdeka Night. Till now. Am trying to switch body clock to sleep at 1 and wake up at 7 everyday. Need to buy groceries. Am not studying cos dislike subject matter and not sure how to start. Am tremendously jealous of those who are doing what they like.

Solution: Andrea, you're here now and you're suppose to shine for God, which means being accountable with your time, talent and money! Every second is a gift from God, every talent, a tool for God and every money, a security lent by God. So, don't think so much, be strong and focus on priorities.

It's okay if I don't get much posts or didn't attempt to get those posts. It's okay if seniors dislike me. It's okay if my friends are leaving me out. It's okay.

Cos I have God, a God like no other, who loves me wherever I am. He loves me so much, there can't be a more to his love. He loves me as much when I was in Malaysia and now in Singapore. People don't understand me and my actions, but it's okay. I rather be the minority in God's protective wing, then the majority.

need to sleep. 1.12am now.