I just got rejected by the NUS Choir audition, not that it was dire, since I had so many commitment to follow through.
My parents' emails that implies that I should be studying in my room all the time and going back to jb all the time irritates me slightly, because life is sadly, not that simple. But they're right in a way, have a proven that I can study and commit myself to all these activities? Yet, I don't want to spend my university life here in a room, when there are other experience and skill that I can gain. I need a group of friends that won't drop me like a hot bun cos I'm never there.
Plus, going back to JB all the time isn't giving me that great of an advantage. I do spend time with my church members, but worship is always short, fellowship much much less, I don't feel very edified, merely an obligation < which can be experienced here without the cost of going to and fro and the waste of time.
I have to finish my readings. I have to start making notes.
But truth be told, I hate my subjects atm. New Media is AMAZINGLY technical<< hate hate hate, ECONS is frustrating, Southeast has many readings that are almost pointless, French is HARD, English Lit is boring atm. I keep thinking "If only I was reading a Law book, I wouldn't be procrastinating" <
I have to pack to bring my notes to JB, but some of my friends wants to come to SG to visit me. Truth be told, I have no time, money nor experience to bring them around. Sobs. I feel bad.
But if I want to do law, I need to love the subjects. Why did my auntie and Mom gave me the idea to go to NUS, why did I think that God was leading me here? Why did I believe that the subjects could be interesting when I didn't really know the subject matter? Now I'm stressed financially, academically, and in my time management and even my relationship nor my ministry seems stagnant.
As I write this, I wonder, did God tried to tell me not to come here? What made me sure this was the right thing to do? Was the UKM law, the continuous talk with SE on law and the frequent panic attacks that led to long sms-es a sign that I didn't really want to go? I was so fixed on the idea that I needed to sacrifice my dream for God, if that is what he wants me to do> which leads to the question "What does he want me to do?"
Seriously, NUS graduates aren't that great unless you're in a specialized course.
God, this is all tiring. Seriously.
I'm not making any sense.
Mei Fong, am I really doing the right thing?
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2 comments:
Life is of our choosing, but sometimes things are out of control.
Hun we'll never know if God WILLS us completely to do something, unless it be blindingly obvious, but now since you're there, do all things as if unto the Lord.
The Proverbs 31 woman knows that if it isn't good, she shouldn't set it out for sale.
1 Corinthians 10:31 is a way of life for her, "Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God."
Colossians 3:17 & 23 show in her every action, "And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by Him. And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men."
She knows that everything that she does reflects her attitude toward God. She knows also that her every move is a testimony to her love for God. Other people see it in her. People know that they can depend on her because she depends on Him.
this too>
http://www.heavensinspirations.com/work-unto-the-lord.html
It's very hard.
Uphill climb, steep roads.
I love you.
Hey babe.
Sometimes when things go wrong or out of our way doesnt mean that you are not in God's will ya? The enemy always try to bring us down whenever we walk right with God. It's normal :)
So dont be discouraged. Continue to hang on to Jesus. He will see you through. I know its tough, that's why you need God. You need His grace and strength because its not possible for you to run this alone. And whether or not it's the will of God, just continue to pray and trust God to reveal His will to you as you faithfully seek Him.
At the moment, dont try to worry about every single thing. Overcome it one by one, one step at a time. Keep FOCUS. When you begin to focus your thoughts upon the Lord, you'll find strength to overcome it. Remember, what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger :)
You always have my support and prayer dear. Let me know if you need anything. I'll be there for you :)
'Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.' Jeremiah 33:3
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